Third Expansion

White Cards:

  • That ass.
  • Nothing.
  • Shutting the fuck up.
  • The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.
  • A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.
  • Cock.
  • A cop who is also a dog.
  • Dying alone and in pain.
  • Gay aliens.
  • The way white people is.
  • Reverse cowgirl.
  • The Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili’s.
  • Actually getting shot, for real.
  • Not having sex.
  • Vietnam flashbacks.
  • Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.
  • Warm, velvety muppet sex.
  • Self-flagellation.
  • The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
  • Samuel L. Jackson.
  • A boo-boo.
  • Going around punching people.
  • The entire Internet.
  • Some kind of bird-man.
  • Chugging a lava lamp.
  • Having sex on top of a pizza.
  • Indescribable loneliness.
  • An ass disaster.
  • All my friends dying.
  • Putting an entire peanut buter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.
  • Spending lots of money.
  • Some douche with an acoustic guitar.
  • Flying robots that kill people.
  • A greased-up Matthew McConaughey.
  • An unstoppable wave of fire ants.
  • Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.
  • An all-midget production of Shakespeare’s Richard III.
  • Screaming like a maniac.
  • The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.
  • Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.
  • Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
  • Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
  • Velcro.
  • A PowerPoint presentation.
  • A surprising amount of hair.
  • Eating Tom Selleck’s mustache to gain his powers.
  • Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
  • A pile of squirming bodies.
  • Buying the right pants to be cool.
  • Blood farts.
  • Three months in the hole.
  • A botched circumcision.
  • The Land of Chocolate.
  • Slapping a racist old lady.
  • A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.
  • Jumping out at people.
  • A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
  • Mufasa’s death scene.
  • Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.
  • Demonic possession.
  • The Harlem Globetrotters.
  • Vomiting mid-blowjob.
  • My manservant, Claude.
  • Having shotguns for legs.
  • Letting everyone down.
  • A spontaneous conga line.
  • A vagina that leads to another dimension.
  • Disco fever.
  • Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.
  • Fisting.
  • The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn.
  • Girls that always be textin’.
  • Blowing some dudes in an alley.
  • Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.
  • Sneezing, farting, and coming at the same time.

Black Cards:

  • In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure _______ for all eternity.
  • A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with _______.
  • Lovin’ you is easy ’cause you’re _______.
  • My life is ruled by a vicious cycle of _______ and _______.
  • The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in _______.
    _______. Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice.
  • I’m not like the rest of you. I’m too rich and busy for _______.
  • _______: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for _______!
  • What left this stain on my couch?
  • Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate _______ in the workplace.
  • When you get right down to it, _______ is just _______.
  • Turns out that _______-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted.
  • As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for _______.
  • Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy me _______.
  • With enough time and pressure, _______ will turn into _______.
  • And what did you bring for show and tell?
  • During high school I never really fit in until I found _______ club.
  • Hey baby, come back to my place and I’ll show you _______.
  • After months of practice with _______, I think I’m finally ready for _______.
  • To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of _______.
  • Finally! A service that delivers _______ right to your door.
  • My gym teacher got fired for adding _______ to the obstacle course.
  • Having problems with _______? Try _______!
  • As part of his contract, Prince won’t perform without _______ in his dressing room.
  • Listen, son. If you want to get involved with _______, I won’t stop you. Just steer clear of _______.