Sixth Expansion

White Cards:

  • A bass drop so huge it tears the starry vault asunder to reveal the face of God.
  • Growing up chained to a radiator in perpetual darkness.
  • Shitting all over the floor like a bad, bad girl.
  • A buttload of candy.
  • Sucking all the milk out of a yak.
  • Bullets.
  • A man who is so cool that he rides on a motorcycle.
  • Sudden penis loss.
  • Getting all offended.
  • Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti.
  • One unforgettable night of passion.
  • Being popular and good at sports.
  • Filling a man’s anus with concrete.
  • Two whales fucking the shit out of each other.
  • Cool, relatable cancer teens.
  • The amount of gay I am.
  • A possible Muslim.
  • Unsheathing my massive horse cock.
  • A bowl of gourds.
  • The male gaze.
  • The power of the Dark Side.
  • Ripping a dog in half.
  • A constant need for validation.
  • Meaningless sex.
  • Such a big boy.
  • Throwing stones at a man until he dies.
  • Cancer.
  • Like a million alligators.
  • Eating together like a god damn family for once.
  • Cute boys.
  • Pussy.
  • Being a terrible mother.
  • Never having sex again.
  • A pizza guy who fucked up.
  • A whole lotta woman.
  • The all-new Nissan Pathfinder with 0.9% APR financing!
  • A peyote-fueled vision quest.
  • Kale.
  • Breastfeeding a ten year old.
  • Crippling social anxiety.
  • Immortality cream.
  • Texas.
  • Teaching a girl how to handjob the penis.
  • A turd.
  • Shapes and colors.
  • Whatever you wish, mother.
  • The haunting stare of an Iraqi child.
  • Robots who just want to party.
  • A self-microwaving burrito.
  • Forgetting grandma’s first name.
  • Our new Buffalo Chicken Dippers®!
  • Treasures beyond your wildest dreams.
  • Getting shot out of a cannon.
  • The sweet song of sword against sword and the braying of mighty war beasts.
  • Walking into a glass door.
  • The color “puce.”
  • Every ounce of charisma left in Mick Jagger’s tired body.
  • The eighth graders.
  • Setting my balls on fire and cartwheeling to Ohio.
  • The dentist.
  • Gwyneth Paltrow’s opinions.
  • Turning the rivers red with the blood of infidels.
  • Rabies.
  • Important news about Taylor Swift.
  • Ejaculating inside another man’s wife.
  • Owls, the perfect predator.
  • Being John Malkovich.
  • Bathing in moonsblood and dancing around the ancient oak.
  • An oppressed people with a vibrant culture.
  • An overwhelming variety of cheeses.
  • Reading the entire End-User License Agreement.
  • Morpheus.
  • Peeing into a girl’s butt to make a baby.
  • Generally having no idea what’s going on.
  • No longer finding any Cards Against Humanity card funny.

Black Cards:

  • I work my ass off all day for this family, and this what I come home to? _________!?
  • I have a strict policy. First date, dinner. Second date, kiss. Third date, _________.
  • When I was a kid we used to play Cowboys and _________.
  • This is America. If you don’t work hard, you don’t succeed. I don’t care if you’re black, white, purple, or _________.
  • You Won’t Believe These 15 Hilarious _________ Bloopers!
  • James is a lonely boy. But when he discovers a secret door in his attic, he meets a magical new friend: _________.
  • Don’t worry, kid. It gets better. I’ve been living with _________ for 20 years.
  • My grandfather worked his way up from nothing.
  • When he came to this country, all he had was the shoes on his feet and _________.
  • Behind every powerful man is _________.
  • You are not alone. Millions of Americans struggle with _________ every day.
  • Come to Dubai, where you can relax in our world-famous spas, experience the nightlife, or simply enjoy _________ by the poolside.
  • “This is madness!” “No. THIS IS _________!”
  • Listen, Gary, I like you. But if you want that corner office, you’re going to have to show me _________.
  • I went to the desert and ate of the peyote cactus.
  • Turns out my spirit animal is _________.
  • And would you like those buffalo wings mild, hot, or _________?
  • The six things I could never do without: oxygen, facebook, chocolate, netflix, friends, and _________ LOL!
  • Why won’t you make love to me anymore? Is it _________?
  • Puberty is a time of change. You might notice hair growing in new places. You might develop an interest in _________. This is normal.
  • I’m sorry, Mrs. Chen, but there was nothing we could do. At 4:15 this morning, your son succumbed to _________.
  • I’m Miss Tennessee, and if I could make the world better by changing one thing, I would get rid of _________.
  • Tonight, we will have sex. And afterwards, if you’d like, a little bit of _________.
  • Everybody join hands and close your eyes. Do you sense that? That’s the presence of _________ in this room.
  • To become a true Yanomamo warrior, you must prove that you can withstand _________ without crying out.
  • Y’all ready to get this thing started? I’m Nick Cannon, and this is America’s Got _________.
    If you had to describe me, the Card Czar, using only one of the cards in your hand, which one would it be?