Second Expansion

White Cards:

  • A 55-gallon drum of lube.
  • A bigger, blacker dick.
  • A Burmese tiger pit.
  • A dollop of sour cream.
  • A fortuitous turnip harvest.
  • A magic hippie love cloud.
  • A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.
  • A piñata full of scorpions
  • A sad fat dragon with no friends.
  • A slightly shittier parallel universe.
  • A sofa that says “I have style, but I like to be comfortable.”
  • A soulful rendition of “Ol’ Man River.”
  • A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.
  • A sweaty, panting leather daddy.
  • A sweet spaceship.
  • All of this blood.
  • An army of skeletons.
  • An ether-soaked rag.
  • An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea.
  • Another shot of morphine.
  • Basic human decency.
  • Beefin’ over turf.
  • Being awesome at sex.
  • Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.
  • Bullshit.
  • Catastrophic urethral trauma.
  • Crushing Mr. Peanut’s brittle body.
  • Daddy’s belt
  • Death by Steven Seagal.
  • Dennis the Menace.
  • Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of “Friends.”
  • Double penetration.
  • Existing.
  • Fetal alcohol syndrome.
  • Finding Waldo.
  • Fuck Mountain.
  • Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.
  • Grandpa’s ashes.
  • Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
  • Hillary Clinton’s death stare.
  • Intimacy problems.
  • Jeff Goldblum.
  • Living in a trashcan.
  • Loki, the trickster god.
  • Making a friend.
  • Maximal insertion.
  • Me.
  • Mild autism.
  • Mooing.
  • My first kill.
  • Nunchuck moves.
  • Oncoming traffic.
  • One Ring to rule them all.
  • Power
  • Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game®.
  • Pumping out a baby every nine months.
  • Rising from the grave.
  • Scrotal frostbite.
  • Some really fucked-up shit.
  • Special musical guest, Cher.
  • Spring break!
  • Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.
  • Survivor’s guilt.
  • Swiftly achieving orgasm.
  • Taking a man’s eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.
  • The black Power Ranger
  • The corporations.
  • The day the birds attacked.
  • The Google.
  • The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney.
  • The human body.
  • The mere concept of Applebee’s®.
  • The mixing of the races.
  • The new Radiohead album.
  • Tiny nipples.
  • Tongue.
  • Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots.
  • Weapons-grade plutonium.
  • Wearing an octopus for a hat.
  • Whining like a little bitch.
  • Whipping a disobedient slave.

Black Cards:

  • ______ would be woefully incomplete without ______.
  • After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on “More ______!”
  • Before ______, all we had was ______.
  • Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with ______.
  • Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out ______.
  • During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into ______.
  • Everyone down on the ground! We don’t want to hurt anyone. We’re just here for ______.
  • I spent my whole life working toward ______, only to have it ruined by ______.
  • I went from ______ to ______, all thanks to ______.
  • If God didn’t want us to enjoy ______, he wouldn’t have given us ______.
  • In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from ______.
  • Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and ______.
  • Members of New York’s social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience ______.
  • My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of ______.
  • My mom freaked out when she looked at my browser history and found ______.com/______.
  • My new favorite porn star is Joey “______” McGee.
  • Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about ______.
  • Only two things in life are certain: death and ______.
  • The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, ______, acceptance.
  • The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of ______.
  • The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is ______.
  • This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for ______.
  • This month’s Cosmo: “Spice up your sex life by bringing ______ into the bedroom.”
  • Tonight on 20/20: What you don’t know about ______ could kill you.
  • You haven’t truly lived until you’ve experienced ______ and ______ at the same time.
  • A remarkable new study has shown that chimps have evolved their own primitive version of _____.
  • What’s harshing my mellow, man?
  • Your persistence is admirable, my dear Prince. But you cannot win my heart with _____ alone.