Green Box

Released: 2016
Summary: During the holiday season of 2016 Cards Against Humanity announced their old expansions would be combined in to Red and Blue boxes, with an entirely new expansion dubbed the Green Box. With 300 cards, it is their biggest (new) expansion to date.

White Cards:

  • Content.
  • Fucking me good and taking me to Red Lobster.®
  • Self-identifying as a DJ.
  • Getting high with mom.
  • Beyoncé.
  • Gazpacho.
  • Discovering that what I really want in life is to kill people and have sex with their corpses.
  • A man with the head of a goat and the body of a goat.
  • How good lead paint taste.
  • Dropping dead in a Sbarro’s bathroom and not being found for 72 hours.
  • Eating too many Cinnabons and then vomiting and then eating the vomit.
  • Some of that good dick.
  • Two shitty kids and a garbage husband.
  • Pooping in the potty.
  • Bad emotions I don’t want.
  • Mixing M&Ms and Skittles like some kind of psychopath.
  • Fucking my therapist.
  • The best, deepest quotes from The Dark Knight.
  • Meatloaf, the man.
  • Meatloaf, the food.
  • My huge penis and substantial fortune.
  • Hot lettuce.
  • It being too late to stop having sex with a horse.
  • Becoming the President of the United States.
  • Microaggressions.
  • Getting the Dorito crumbs out of my purse.
  • The sweet, forbidden meat of the monkey.
  • Consensual, nonreproductive incest.
  • Grunting for ten minutes and then peeing sand.
  • Prematurely ejaculating like a total loser.
  • Jazz.
  • Straight blazin’ 24/7.
  • Having sex with a beautiful person.
  • Going around pulling people’s tampons out.
  • Reaching an age where barbecue chips are better than sex.
  • Daddy going away forever.
  • Three hours of nonstop penetration.
  • Holding the proper political beliefs of my time to attract a mate.
  • Scissoring, if that’s a thing.
  • Creamy slices of real, California avocado.
  • ISIS.
  • A weird guy who says weird stuff and weirds me out.
  • Rubbing my bush all over your bald head.
  • Farting all over my face with your tight little asshole.
  • Quinoa.
  • How sad it will be when Morgan Freeman dies.
  • A cheerfulness that belies a deep-seated self-loathing.
  • Farting a huge shit out of my pussy.
  • Defeating a gorilla in single combat.
  • A big ol’ plate of fettuccine alfredo.
  • Brunch.
  • Anal.
  • A women’s perspective.
  • A long business meeting with no obvious purpose.
  • Thinking about what eating even is.
  • Doing a somersault and barfing.
  • Trees.
  • Hating Jews.
  • Whooping your ass at Mario Kart.
  • A massive collection of child pornography.
  • Systems and policies designed to preserve centuries-old power structures.
  • Having an awesome time drinking and driving.
  • Muchin’ puss.
  • Moon people.
  • Picking up a glass of water and taking a sip and being the president.
  • Critical thinking.
  • Showing all the boys my pussy.
  • Homework.
  • China.
  • Putting more black people in jail.
  • The ol’ penis-in-the-popcorn surprise.
  • One of them big-city Jew lawyers.
  • Informing you that I am a registered sex offender.
  • Rolling so hard.
  • Who really did 9/11.
  • Being turned into sausages.
  • Eating ass.
  • A dolphin that learns to talk and becomes the Dead of Harvard Law School.
  • Gay thoughts.
  • My dog dying.
  • Dominating a man by peeing on his eldest son.
  • Dis bitch.
  • A strong horse and enough rations for thirty days.
  • Feminism.
  • A cold and indifferent universe.
  • An incurable homosexual.
  • The amount of baby carrots I can fit up my ass.
  • Huge big balls full of jizz.
  • Gregor, my largest son.
  • Esmeralda, my most beautiful daughter.
  • Trevor, the world’s greatest boyfriend.
  • Jason, the teen mayor.
  • That bitch, Stacy.
  • Gayle from HR.
  • Gary.
  • Just now finding out about the Armenian Genocide.
  • Opening your mouth to talk and a big penis fops out.
  • Twisting my cock and balls into a balloon poodle.
  • The wind.
  • A gun that shoots cobras.
  • Out-of-control teenage blowjob parties.
  • A black friend.
  • The body of a 46-year-old man.
  • Art.
  • Water.
  • Doritos and a Fruit Roll-Up.
  • Sucking each other’s penises for hours on end.
  • 10,000 shrieking teenage girls.
  • Whomsoever let the dogs out.
  • The chicken from Popeyes. ®
  • Assassinating the president.
  • Having sex with a man and then eating his head.
  • A burrito that’s just sour cream.
  • An arrangement wherein I give a person money they have sex with me.
  • Facilitating dialogue and deconstructing binaries.
  • Taking the form of a falcon.
  • Watching you die.
  • An X-Man whose power is that he has sex with dogs and children.
  • Loud, scary thunder.
  • Every man’s ultimate fantasy: a perfectly cylindrical vagina.
  • Tiny, rancid girl farts.
  • Math.
  • Founding a major world religion.
  • Plowing that ass like a New England corn farmer.
  • Period poops.
  • The feeling of going to McDonald’s as a 6-year-old.
  • Misogyny.
  • Tables.
  • Feeling the emotion of anger.
  • One of those “blow jobs” I’ve been hearing so much about.
  • A creepy child singing a nursery rhyme.
  • Blossoming into a beautiful young woman.
  • The secret to truly resilient hair.
  • Rock-hard tits and a huge vagina.
  • The lived experience of African Americans.
  • Mental illness.
  • Getting eaten out by a dog.
  • 10 football players with erections barreling towards you at full speed.
  • Starting a shitty podcast.
  • Overthrowing the democratically-elected government of Chile.
  • Guns.
  • A hug.
  • Getting aborted.
  • Crazy anal orgasms.
  • Getting this party started!
  • Being sexually attracted to children.
  • Antidepressants.
  • Getting trapped in a conversation about Ayn Rand.
  • Swearing praise upon the Sultan’s hideous daughters.
  • Turning 32.
  • Sudden and unwanted slam poetry.
  • A negative body image that is totally justified.
  • Exploring each other’s buttholes.
  • You.
  • Quacking like a duck in lieu of a cogent argument.
  • Catching a live salmon in your mouth.
  • Eating people.
  • Our baby.
  • Breastfeeding in public like a radiant earth goddess.
  • Big, smart money boys tap-tapping on their keyboards.
  • Finding a nice elevator to poop in.
  • The mysterious fog rolling into town.
  • Two beautiful pig sisters.
  • Condoleezza Rice.
  • The full force of the American military.
  • A woman’s right to choose.
  • A terrified fat child who won’t come out of the bushes.
  • A medium horchata.
  • How great my ass looks in these jeans.
  • Raising three kids on minimum wage.
  • The bond between a woman and her horse.
  • Slamming a dunk.
  • Chris Hemsworth.
  • Ejaculating at the apex of a cartwheel.
  • Child labor.
  • An older man.
  • Crushing the patriarchy.
  • Denying the Holocaust.
  • Falling into a pit of waffles.
  • Objectifying women.
  • Everything.
  • A creature made of penises that must constantly arouse itself to survive.
  • Getting blasted in the face by a t-shirt cannon.
  • Onions.
  • Dumpster juice.
  • Forty-five minutes of finger blasting.
  • Film roles for actresses over 40.
  • Having sex with your mom.
  • Having a vagina.
  • Regurgitating a half-digested sparrow.
  • The hottest MILF in Dallas.
  • Some real spicy shrimps.
  • The Rwandan Genocide.
  • The LGBT community.
  • Twenty bucks.
  • The full blown marginalization of ugly people.
  • A finger up the butt.
  • A big, beautiful mouth packed to the brim with sparkling teeth.
  • Getting laid like all the time.
  • Happy daddies with happy sandals.
  • Libertarians.
  • Late-stage dementia.
  • How strange it is to be anything at all.
  • Pooping in a leotard and hoping no one notices.
  • Restoring Germany to its former glory.
  • Participating.
  • Going to bed at a reasonable hour.
  • Smashing my balls at the moment of climax.
  • Making out and stuff.
  • Menopause.
  • The government.
  • The graceful path of an autumn leaf as it falls to its earthen cradle.
  • Tender chunks of all-white-meat chicken.
  • Twenty cheerleaders laughing at your tiny penis.
  • Mommy and daddy fighting all the time.
  • Playing my asshole like a trumpet.
  • Getting naked too soon.
  • A slowly encroaching circle of wolves.
  • A man in a suit with perfect hair who tells you beautiful lies.
  • Seizing control of the means of production.
  • Comprehensive immigration reform.
  • Awesome pictures of planets and stuff.
  • Aborting the shit out of a fetus.
  • A genetic predisposition for alcoholism.
  • The flaming wreckage of the International Space Station.
  • Waking up inside of a tornado.
  • When the big truck goes “Toot! Toot!”
  • The fear and hatred in men’s hearts.
  • Getting killed and dragged up a tree by a leopard.
  • Eternal screaming madness.
  • My brother’s hot friends.
  • Salsa Night at Dave’s Cantina.
  • The clown that followed me home from the grocery store.
  • Watching a hot person eat.
  • Pretending to be one of the guys but actually being the spider god.
  • Getting pegged.
  • An empowered woman.
  • An old dog full of tumors.
  • A duffel bag full of lizards.
  • All these people I’ve killed.
  • Working so hard to have muscles and then having them.
  • Political correctness.
  • A tiny fireman who puts out tiny fires.
  • Albert Einstein but if he had a huge muscles and a rhinoceros cock.
  • Chipotle.

Black Cards:

  • I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like ___.
  • Errbody in the club ___.
  • The top Google auto-complete results for “Barack Obama”:
    Barack Obama Height.
    Barack Obama net worth.
    Barack Obama ___.
  • Son, take it from someone who’s been around the block a few times. Nothin’ puts her in the mood like ___.
  • Art isn’t just a painting in a stuffy museum. Art is alive. Art is ___.
  • You won’t believe what’s in my pussy. It’s ___.
  • What’s the most problematic?
  • Feeling so grateful! #amazing #mylife #___.
  • What’s a total waste of Hillary Clinton’s time?
  • What’s the gayest?
  • ___ be all like ___.
  • Girls just wanna have ___.
  • One more thing. Watch out for Big Mike. They say he killed a man with ___.
  • Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t ___!
  • If at first you don’t succeed, try ___.
  • What will end racism once and for all?
  • I’ll take the BBQ bacon burger with friend egg and fuck it how about ___.
  • Well if ___ is a crime, then lock me up!
  • We do not shake with our left hands in this country. That is the hand we use for ___.
  • You know who else liked ___? Hitler.
  • Poor Brandon, still living in his parent’s basement. I heard he never got over ___.
  • What totally destroyed my asshole?
  • I don’t believe in God. I believe in ___.
  • Then the princess kissed the frog, and all of a sudden the frog was ___!
  • I got rhythm, I’ve got music, I’ve got ___. Who could ask for anything more?
  • No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! I will NOT let ___ ruin this wedding.
  • Coming to Red Lobster® this month, ___.
  • Ooo, daddy like ___.
  • Best you go back where you came from, now. We don’t take too kindly to ___ in these parts.
  • Summer lovin’, had me a blast. ___, happened so fast.
  • LSD + ___ = really bad time.
  • What are all those whales singing about?
  • As Teddy Roosevelt said, the four manly virtues are honor, temperance, industry, and ___.
  • I tell you, it was a non-stop fuckfest. When it was over, my asshole looked like ___.
  • What turned me into a Republican?
  • I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance plan doesn’t cover injuries caused by ___.
  • Run, run, as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m ___!
  • There is no God. It’s just ___ and then you die.
  • She’s just one of the guys, you know? She likes beer, and football, and ___.
  • This Friday at the Liquid Lunge, it’s ___ Night! Ladies drink free.
  • What sucks balls?
  • I’ve had a horrible vision, father. I saw mountains crumbling, stars falling from the sky. I saw ___.
  • Oh no! Siri, how do I fix ___?
  • Dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, and live like you’re ___.
  • Mom’s to-do list:
    • Buy Groceries
    • Clean up ___.
    • Soccer Practice.
  • Why am I laughing and crying and taking off my clothes?
  • She’s a lady in the streets, ___ in the sheets.
  • What’s about to take dance floor to the next level?
  • CNN breaking news! Scientists discover ___.
  • Most Americans would not vote for a candidate who is openly ___.
  • Congratulations! You have been selected for our summer internship program. While we are unable to off a salary, we can off you ___.
  • In the 1950s, psychologists prescribed ___ as a cure for homosexually.
  • As reparations for slavery, all African Americans will receive ___.
  • With a one-time gift of just $10, you can save this child from ___.
  • Google Calendar alert: ___ in 10 minutes.