Food Pack

Released: 2015
Summary: Released in 2015; originally at PAX Prime in an ice cream truck, then later released online with a pack of Corn Holes; a fictitious cereal with nutritional value equivalent of toddler feces.

White Cards:

  • Being emotionally and physically dominated by Gordon Ramsay.
  • Soup that’s better than pussy.
  • Father’s forbidden chocolates.
  • Real cheese flavor.
  • Oreos for dinner.
  • Committing suicide at the Old Country Buffet.
  • Sucking down thousands of pounds of krill every day.
  • The inaudible screams of carrots.
  • Clamping down on a gazelle’s jugular and tasting its warm life waters.
  • A table for one at The Cheesecake Factory.
  • A belly full of hard-boiled eggs.
  • Kevin Bacon Bits.
  • The hot dog I put in my vagina ten days ago.
  • Not knowing what to believe anymore about butter.
  • The Hellman’s Mayonnaise Corporation.
  • A sobering quantity of chili cheese fries.
  • Going vegetarian and feeling so great all the time.
  • Licking the cake batter off of grandma’s fingers.
  • Swishing the wine around and sniffing it like a big fancy man.
  • The Dial-A-Slice Apple Divider from Williams-Sonoma.
  • A Joyless vegan party.
  • What to do with all of this chocolate on my penis.
  • Kale farts.
  • Jizz Twinkies.

Black Cards:

  • I’m Bobby Flay, and if you can’t stand ___. get out of the kitchen!
  • Now on Netflix: Jiro Dreams Of ___.
  • It’s not delivery. It’s ___.
  • Excuse me, waiter. Could you take this back? This soup tastes like ___.
  • Aw babe, your burbs smell like ___.
  • Don’t miss Rachel Ray’s hit new show, Cooking with ___.


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