First Expansion

White Cards:

  • 24-hour media coverage
  • A beached whale.
  • A big black dick.
  • A bloody pacifier.
  • A crappy little hand.
  • A fat bald man from the internet.
  • A low standard of living.
  • A nuanced critique.
  • A panty raid.
  • A passionate Latino lover.
  • A plunger to the face.
  • A rival dojo.
  • A smiling black man, a latina businesswoman, a cool asian, and some whites.
  • A web of lies.
  • A woman scorned.
  • An atomic wedgie.
  • An Etsy steampunk strap-on.
  • An evil man in evil clothes.
  • André the Giant’s enormous, leathery scrotum.
  • Apologizing.
  • Appreciative snapping.
  • Ashton Kutcher.
  • Beating your wives.
  • Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
  • Being a dinosaur.
  • Blaxploitation.
  • Bosnian chicken farmers.
  • Breaking nip slip news.
  • Carnies.
  • Clams.
  • Clenched butt cheeks.
  • Coughing into a vagina.
  • Cutting.
  • Dancing with a broom.
  • Deflowering a princess.
  • Deflowering the princess.
  • Dorito breath.
  • Eating an albino.
  • Enormous Scandinavian women.
  • Fabricating statistics.
  • Finding a skeleton.
  • Gandalf.
  • Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
  • George Clooney’s musk.
  • Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
  • Getting in her pants, politely.
  • Gladiatorial combat.
  • Good grammar.
  • having a penis
  • Hipsters.
  • Historical revisionism.
  • Insatiable bloodlust.
  • Jafar.
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme in slow motion.
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme.
  • Just the tip.
  • Leveling up.
  • Literally eating shit.
  • Mad hacky-sack skills.
  • Making the penises kiss.
  • Media coverage.
  • Medieval Times® Dinner & Tournament.
  • Mom.
  • Moral ambiguity.
  • My machete.
  • Neil Patrick Harris.
  • NOOOOOOOOO!!!
  • Nubile slave boys.
  • Ominous background music.
  • One thousand Slim Jims.
  • Overpowering your father.
  • Panty raids.
  • Pistol-whipping a hostage.
  • Quiche.
  • Quivering jowls.
  • Revenge fucking.
  • Ripping into a man’s chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
  • Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
  • Salvia.
  • Sanding off a man’s nose.
  • Santa Claus.
  • Savagely beating a mascot
  • Scrotum tickling.
  • Sexual humiliation.
  • Sexy Siamese twins.
  • Shaft.
  • Slow motion.
  • Space muffins.
  • Statistically validated stereotypes.
  • Stockholm syndrome
  • Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
  • Suicidal thoughts.
  • Syphilitic insanity
  • The boners of the elderly.
  • The economy.
  • The Fanta® girls.
  • The four arms of Vishnu.
  • The gulags.
  • The harsh light of day.
  • The hiccups.
  • The ooze
  • The shambling corpse of Larry King.
  • This guy!
  • Tripping balls.
  • Walking in on Dad peeing into Mom’s mouth.
  • Words, words, words.
  • Zeus’s sexual appetites.

Black Cards:

  • An international tribunal has found ______ guilty of ______.
  • And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for ______!
  • Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of ______ has denied your request for ______.
  • He who controls ______ controls the world.
  • I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend with ______.
  • In a pinch, ______ can be a suitable substitute for ______.
  • In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of ______.
  • In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated ______.
  • In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to ______.
  • In the distant future, historians will agree that ______ marked the beginning of America’s decline.
  • Michael Bay’s new three-hour action epic pits ______ against ______.
  • My plan for world domination begins with ______.
  • Next season on Man vs, Wild, Bear Grylls must survive the depths of the Amazon with only ______ and his wits.
  • Science will never explain ______.
  • Science will never explain the origin of ______.
  • The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to ______.
  • The secret to a lasting marriage is communication, communication, and ______.
  • The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to ______ is a basic human right.
  • This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the
  • Amazon with only ______ and his wits.
  • What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?
  • What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?
  • What’s the gift that keeps on giving?
  • When all else fails, I can always masturbate to ______.
  • When I pooped, what came out of my butt?