Fifth Expansion

White Cards:

  • 40 acres and a mule.
  • A crazy little thing called love.
  • A disappointing salad.
  • A face full of horse cum.
  • A giant powdery manbaby.
  • A mouthful of potato salad.
  • A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.
  • A powered exoskeleton.
  • A reason not to commit suicide.
  • A team of lawyers.
  • A whole new kind of porn.
  • A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.
  • AIDS monkeys.
  • All these decorative pillows.
  • An unforgettable quinceaƱera.
  • An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.
  • Anal fissures like you wouldn’t believe.
  • Ancient Athenian boy-fucking.
  • Backwards knees.
  • Being nine years old.
  • Being paralyzed from the neck down.
  • Being worshiped as the one true God.
  • Blackface.
  • Blowjobs for everyone.
  • Boring Vaginal sex.
  • Butt stuff.
  • Changing a person’s mind with logic and facts.
  • Child support payments.
  • Cutting off a flamingo’s legs with garden shears.
  • Daddy’s credit card.
  • Deez nuts.
  • Denzel.
  • Doing the right stuff to her nipples.
  • Ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry.
  • Ennui.
  • Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.
  • Free ice cream, yo.
  • Genghis Khan’s DNA.
  • Getting caught by the police and going to jail.
  • Getting drive-by shot.
  • Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.
  • Giant sperm from outer space.
  • Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.
  • Having been dead a while.
  • Mom’s new boyfriend.
  • My boyfriends stupid penis.
  • My dead son’s baseball glove.
  • My first period.
  • Not believing in giraffes.
  • Oil!
  • Out-of-this-world bazongas.
  • P.F. Chang himself.
  • Russian super-tuberculosis.
  • Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.
  • Seeing things from Hitler’s perspective.
  • September 11th, 2001.
  • Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.
  • Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.
  • Some shit-hot guitar licks.
  • The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.
  • The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.
  • The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.
  • The ghost of Marlon Brando.
  • The inability to form meaningful relationships.
  • The passage of time.
  • The swim team, all at once.
  • The tiger that killed my father.
  • The unbelievable world of mushrooms.
  • The black half of Barack Obama.
  • The white half of Barack Obama.
  • Too much cocaine.
  • Unrelenting genital punishment.
  • Vegetarian options.
  • Wearing glasses and sounding smart.
  • Western standards of beauty.

Black Cards:

  • And today’s soup is Cream of ______.
  • Armani suit: $1,000. Dinner for two at that swanky restaurant: $300. The look on her face when you surprise her with _______: priceless.
  • Do the Dew with our most extreme flavor yet! Get ready for Mountain Dew ____!
  • Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is ___ ? Zoloft.
  • Don’t forget! Beginning this week, Casual Friday will officially become “____ Friday.”
  • Get ready for the movie of the summer! One cop plays by the book. The other’s only interested in one thing: ______.
  • Having the worst day EVER. #_____
  • Heed my voice, mortals! I am the god of _____ , and I will not tolerate _____!
  • Help me doctor, I’ve got _____ in my butt!
  • Here at the Academy for Gifted Children, we all students to explore _____ at their own pace.
  • Hi MTV! My name is Kendra, I live in Malibu, I’m into _____, and I love to have a good time.
  • Hi, this is Jim from accounting. We noticed a $1,200 charge labeled “______.” Can you explain?
  • I don’t mean to brag, but they call me the Micheal Jordan of _____.
  • In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of ______.
  • In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninjas while also dealing with _____.
  • Life’s pretty tough in the fast lane. That’s why I never leave the house without _____.
  • Now in bookstores: “The Audacity of _____” by Barack Obama.
  • Patient presents with _____ . Likely a result of ______ .
  • Well if _______ is good enough for _____, it’s good enough for me.
  • Well what do you have to say for yourself, Casey? This is the third time you’ve been sent to the principal’s office for _______.
  • What killed my boner?
  • What’s making things awkward in the sauna?
  • WHOOO! God damn I love _____!
  • Why am I broke?
  • Yo’ mama’s so fat she _____!